Empower Yourself
A couple of weeks ago, I posted about an article I found on Huffington Post titled "11 Middle-Aged Women Strip Down to Reclaim 'Sexy' On Their Own Terms." You can find the original article here, but it was about how these 11 women viewed their sexiness differently as middle-aged women compared to when they were in their 20s. My critique was that these very same women, despite their new way of looking at their sexiness, posed in traditional industry-standard poses. The kinds of poses you find in any advertisement that objectifies women. As stated in the blog, I believe that "if these women truly wanted to reclaim the word sexy, rather than being photographed in various states of undress in typically 'sexy' poses, they would take their own words to heart and celebrate the diverse factors that contribute to any person being deemed sexy." But several people whose opinions I value disagreed with me--vehemently. Their basic argument was that if posing semi-nude in sexy poses is what makes these women feel sexy, then who am I to criticise them for that decision? So, over the last two weeks, I have thought about my original post. I wondered if I was body-shaming these women as someone accused me of doing? Was I being judgemental? Was my original comment--that the women are simply falling in line with the industry standard of sexy despite their newfound wisdom--misinformed? While my initial reaction to the article was one of annoyance, after thinking about it for two weeks, I have changed my opinion. I am now incensed by it. Let me explain. First, let's get rid of the obvious--yes they are all beautiful, no, they are not obligated to follow my sensibilities regarding sexiness. The point the article is trying to make is that older women are sexual beings, too, and they should not be considered unattractive or of no value simply because they have passed the 50-year milestone. Of course I agree with that. And if these women feel sexy by posing as they do in the article and by wearing skimpy clothes, more power to them. The theme of this blog, however, is Empower Yourself, so I am looking at this article from that perspective. The title of the article-- 11 Middle-Aged Women Strip Down to Reclaim 'Sexy' On Their Own Terms-- gives the impression that the women in this spread are going to present something unique, something that reflects the wisdom they have acquired over their 50+ years. Their own words confirm that impression. Typical comments from the women include: "No one but me dictates my sexiness," "With maturity comes confidence and the knowledge that our brain is our sexiest organ, not our body," "My sexuality, my identity, and my sense of self-worth and belonging need to come from inside me first," "Today at 50, sexy is about my nurturing my inner beauty in addition to cultivating the outer beauty," "Feeling sexy now is a lot less about your body," and similar comments. Of the 11 women, four are sexily posed in various states of undress on a bed, 2 are scantily clad posing either at or on a piano, one is lying coquettishly on her back on the sofa, one is half dressed standing in a room, and three are fully clothed in various settings. So eight of the 11 women in this article chose to present their bodies in states of undress as representative of their idea of sexy despite their statements to the contrary. So either, their concept of sexy is exactly the same as that of every advertisement we see that objectifies women's bodies, or they were not strong enough, despite their statements to the contrary, to stand up to a photographer's suggestion to fall into the traditional poses that are viewed to be sexy. Whichever it is, it does not represent empowerment, nor does it reclaim the idea of sexy. It simply allows middle-aged bodies to be objectified the same as young women's bodies. Now, if the title of the article had been "Middle-Aged Women Can Be Sexy, Too," or "Hot Middle-Aged Women" I would still have found it to be a perpetuation of body objectification, but would not have cared enough to bother writing about it. Secondly, the introduction to this article states: " We believe women can be smart and sassy, beautiful and confident — and that they can continue to shake things up in the world around them — whether they’re 50 or 75 or 100." Without a doubt, that is true. I couldn't agree more. And that is reflected through sexiness? Let's focus on how those "smart, sassy, beautiful and confident women are sexy. And while focusing on their bodies, let's put them in various seductive poses and states of undress? So the lesson to be learned from this is that older women should be objectified to the same degree as younger women? No. I reject that. As I said in the original post, these women had the opportunity to use their confidence and wisdom to change how women are perceived. Instead, they are perpetuating a view that is harmful to women of all ages. They should have taken their own words to heart to show that sexy can be much more than women's bodies being sexual objects. The fact that three of the women in the article did exactly that shows that my position is not unreasonable. But the part of this article that really gets my goat is its first line: "Sometimes, to be a woman over 50 is to feel invisible. It’s walking into a bar or restaurant and no longer being on the receiving end of an admiring glance." Because that is what we women over 50 really stress about--that no one gives us admiring glances anymore. The implication that women over 50 are so distraught about a decline in admiring glances that they must strip down to prove that they can compete with those pesky younger girls who are sucking all the oxygen out of the room is unbelievably insulting! Older women DO feel invisible--invisible from board rooms, invisible in the political arena, invisible in movies, invisible in advertising, invisible in business ownership, invisible in upper management, invisible in virtually all decision-making positions in society. I would bet that 'invisible when walking into a restaurant' is way down on the list of worries for the vast majority of women. So to read an article about women using their confidence and wisdom to reclaim the concept of sexy only to find the same old shit that you can see in magazine, TV or billboard ads is infuriating. The fact that the article is about women's sexiness instead of actual empowerment is even more so. Why does any of this matter? Why am I spending so much time and energy writing about this? Because my 20-year-old son saw me looking at the role-reversal photos posted above. My intent was to discuss how sexually-charged poses do not determine sexiness, and what better way to show that than with the parodies that so poignantly convey how laughable those poses are. But my son commented that these parodies didn't really make any sense because "those are feminine poses," he said.
No, they aren't feminine poses. They are contrived poses that no one naturally stands/sits/lies in. But they are so pervasive in our culture that we become inured to them. We come to expect them. We come to define them as natural to women. I would argue that this objectification is to some degree the reason why women are "invisible from board rooms, invisible in the political arena, invisible in movies, invisible in advertising, invisible in business ownership, invisible in upper management, invisible in virtually all decision-making positions in society." It certainly explains why, when women are raped, the women are often blamed as having dressed or done something to bring it on themselves. It accounts for why, in sexual harassment cases, men and women alike will claim "boys will be boys." And it is likely linked to the epidemic of violence and misogyny that women face at all levels of society. So, when these confident, accomplished, outspoken, and strong women had the chance to truly reclaim something about sexy, they accepted the definition of sexy that permeates society. Most of them chose poses and clothing that perpetuated the objectification of women. Fine. They did what they thought was right for them, and they have every right to do that. So respect them for their accomplishments, admire them for their boldness, and commend them for their insightful words of wisdom, but don't say they have reclaimed anything.
2 Comments
Such an interesting discussion! I think I’m being thrown off by the word sexy. I hear that, read that word and think sexual – not empowered, not interesting, not well read, witty, and so on nope, I see/read “sexy” and to me it means something inherently attempting to be of a sexual nature.
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Helen Verrill
11/28/2018 10:25:54 pm
Just wonderful thank you. Stumbled across by mistake but blown away by your powerful writing. I want to see more of your work out there.
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AuthorI am a yoga instructor, author and activist. I wrote The Diamond Tree to inspire women to take chances. Even if the outcome of any given risk is different than expected, there is something for the community and the individual to gain from it. Archives
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